


I Miss You (Even Though Your'e Right Here)

by thatonefangirlandbooknerd37



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But mostly angst, Destiel - Freeform, Every Chapter But the Last One Ends In a Cliffhanger, Hospitals, I feel Sam is a little ooc, I'm Sorry, Injury Recovery, Kinda, M/M, Not Beta Read, Some Fluff, Supernatural - Freeform, but I wanted to focus on Cas, jess never died
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21711784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonefangirlandbooknerd37/pseuds/thatonefangirlandbooknerd37
Summary: “You remember the machine I built a few years ago in Afghanistan?”“Yeah, why?”“It broke. They need me to go fix it. Apparently it has to be me.”“But that means…”Dean could only nod sadly. "Yeah."I don’t want you to go. You can’t go. You have a life here. A family.”-------Dean is an almost retired lieutenant in the military. When his commanding officer says he has to go to Afghanistan, he has no choice but to go. When he goes, stuff goes wrong and stuff happens.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE 

Dean and Cas were lying on the couch in their apartment. Cas was lying on Dean’s chest and sleeping peacefully. Dean was just enjoying the peacefulness and was running his fingers through Cas’s hair softy. It was Saturday, one of the rare days where they both had the whole day off with nothing to do. 

Suddenly the phone rang interrupting the peaceful atmosphere, startling Cas awake.

Cas got up and answered. “This is Castiel Winchester. How can I help you?” 

“Is Dean Winchester there?” A gruff voice answered.

Cas swore the voice was familiar, but couldn’t quite place it. “Yeah, hold on I’ll pass the phone along.” 

Dean took the phone from his husband’s hand. “Dean Winchester speaking.”

“Lieutenant Winchester, I need you.”

“Hold on Captain Kripke, let me go somewhere a little more private,'' Dean said, looking at his husband, whose color had faded from his face upon hearing the name. 

Eric Kripke was Dean’s commanding officer in the military. Although he was a lieutenant, Dean hardly did stuff for the military anymore after he and Cas got married two years prior. If Kripke needed something, it couldn’t be good.

Dean sighed and closed the bedroom door, not wanting his husband to worry more than he already was until he knew what Kripke needed. “Okay. What is it you need?”  
“I need you to go to Afghanistan.The machine that you built that has broken. I need you to fix it.” 

“Can’t someone else do it? I have less than a year left on my contract. Me and Cas were talking about getting a dog. My brother has a daughter coming in a little more than a month. I have a family. I can’t just pack up and go halfway across the world for who knows how long!”

“I don’t care.We need your skills. No one else knows how to fix it and if there was anyone who did, they wouldn’t be as good as you. You're going. Report to the airport at 0800 hours on Wednesday.”

Before Dean could object, Kripke had hung up. 

Cas was waiting outside their bedroom for Dean. “What does Captain Kripke want?”

Dean shook his head, led Cas to the couch, put his arm around Cas, and rested his head on Cas’s shoulder before speaking. “You remember the machine I built a few years ago in Afghanistan?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It broke. They need me to go fix it. Apparently it has to be me.”

“But that means…” 

Dean could only nod sadly. “Yeah.” 

“I don’t want you to go. You can’t go. You have a life here. A family.”

“I know. It’s not like I want to go. Believe me, if I could stay, I would.”

Cas nodded, he understood, but didn’t want to let Dean go. “When do you leave?”

“I have to be at the airport at 8 am on Wednesday.”

This made Cas’s frown deepen. “So soon? Wednesday is only 5 days away.”

Despite the situation, Dean smiled. “You shouldn’t frown like that. It might stick.”

Before Dean could blink, Cas had smacked him in the face with a pillow. “Don’t change the subject.”

“I know. I just want to spend as much time with you and have as much fun as I can before I leave.”

“Of course. I might know something fun we can do. . .” Cas trailed off before leading Dean to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days before Dean went to Afghanistan, Dean and Cas were sprawled out on a picnic blanket in the park. Cas was leaning against a tree reading a book while Dean took a nap with his head on Cas’s lap. Cas smiled lovingly at his sleeping husband’s face. 

Cas got a text from Sam, ‘Hey, you guys coming?’ 

Shit. Cas had forgotten Sam was having a get together as a kind of a going away party for Dean. And that they were supposed to be there 15 minutes ago.

Cas packed everything up before nudging Dean awake. “Come on sleepy head. We were supposed to be at Sam’s fifteen minutes ago.”

“Nggh. I want to go back to sleep.” 

“Nope, sorry. Jess will kill us if we don’t show.”

“I don’t wanna get up. Carry me.”

Cas rolled his eyes and picked Dean up, throwing him like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder. 

Jess let the pair of them in with a smile. “Glad you finally made it.” She went to sit on the couch next to Sam, one hand on her fairly pregnant stomach. Dean and Cas followed her into the living room. 

In the living room and the kitchen, all of Dean’s close friends and family were gathered. There was his Uncle Bobby, his Aunt Ellen, his cousin Jo, his kind of cousin Ash, Jody- the police officer who was just as much as his mother figure as Ellen was, Crowley- a friend from his earlier days in the military- Crowley’s mother, Rowena, and Charlie- his best friend. 

Dean was slightly surprised at all the people who had to come wish him luck and say goodbye before he left, especially since some lived hours away. “You didn't all have to come.”

“Of course we did. Do you think we’d let you go halfway around the world and say goodbye?” Charlie teased.

“You act like I’m moving to Afghanistan permanently instead of going for only a few months.”

Jody smiled at him. “Course we are. We’ll miss the hell out of you.” 

“Gonna miss you ‘round the shop. Best worker I’ve ever had.”

“I’ll be back!” Dean protested. 

“Yeah, but who says I’ll let you out of my sight when you do come back?” Cas teased.

“I’m going to miss y’all.”

“Course you will, boy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“Come on Cas, Sam will be here to drive us to the airport in a few minutes!” Dean called to his husband.   
“Coming, just let me grab something.” Cas’s hand grabbed the picture of him, Sam, and Jess at Sam’s birthday party from the bookshelf before coming into the living room. Cas slipped the picture in Dean’s duffel bag before he could notice. 

Sam, Dean, and Cas were huddled in a space inside the airport not that far from security.  
Sam pulled Dean into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you, jerk.”

“I’ll miss you too, bitch. Don't worry, I should be back before Jess has the baby.”

Dean broke away from Sam’s embrace and turned to Cas.

“I hate that you have to go.”

“Me too, baby, me too. I’ll call you as much as I can. And I promise I’ll be back before our anniversary.”

“Promise?”

Before Dean could say anything, Captain Kripke interjected, “As much as I hate to break this up, it’s time to go Lieutenant”, before walking further into the airport.   
Dean leaned into Cas, kissed him on the lips and whispered “Promise” before catching up with Kripke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short. Just a filler to help set up for the next couple chapter. Next chapter's where it gets interesting. Sorry for the wait

Dean’s leg was bouncing nervously as the plane started its descent. He just wanted to land and get his stuff set up so he could call Cas.

“Nervous lieutenant? You’ll be fine. You’ll be protected by soldiers the whole time. And you'll be done soon so you can get back to your family.”

“Not really nervous, just anxious to get set up. I want to call my husband as soon as I can. It’s hardly been a day and I already miss him.”

“Ah. Well we'll be landing in about five minutes. And from there, it’s about an hour to get to the camp.”

Dean didn’t even go to his tent, he went straight to the dining/common area and set up his laptop. As soon as it was set up, Dean facetimed Cas.

Cas looked tired, but the second he saw Dean’s face, he lit up. “Dean!”

“Cas! It’s only been a day and I miss you so much. I have no idea how I’m going to make it here without you.”

“I know. Last night, I had to sleep on the couch because the bed felt too big without you.”

Dean’s heart melted at this. “I can imagine.”

“So what time is it for you?”

Dean glanced at the time on the bottom of his laptop. “Um. About 10:30 am. What time is it there?” 

“About 12:30 am.”

“Oh. I didn't wake you did I?”

“Nah. I knew you got in today so I was waiting for you to call.”

“Aww. Don’t forget to sleep.”

“I know.”

Dean and Cas talked for a while before Kripke interrupted them. “Winchester! There’s stuff to do! You can’t just talk all day!”

“In a minute!” Dean called back before turning back to Cas, “that’s my cue. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay. I love you. Come home soon.”

“I love you too. And take care of Baby.”

Cas rolled his eyes affectionately before the call ended.

Dean sighed before trudging to his tent. Kripke had just him given a tour of the camp- something Dean didn’t need because he had been here before- given him his supplies and told him what he’d be doing, just working on the machine. 

Dean set his bag on the cot, but a glimmer of light inside the bag caught his eye. 

He pulled it out to reveal the picture of Sam, Jess, and Cas at Sam’s birthday party. Cas must have snuck it in when he wasn’t looking. He put on the small table in his tent where he could easily see it from his cot.

His family. This picture would get him through until he gets home. It’d remind him who he was here for and what he was coming back to. If he was really missing them, he could just look at the picture and see their smiling faces. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After about a week of Dean being deployed, both Cas and Dean had gotten used to their routine without the other. 

Cas would get up at around 8:30, shower and get dressed then talk to Dean for about an hour. He would then do small jobs like painting houses and driving Uber/Lyft until dinnertime, where he went to Sam and Jess’s and they would spend an hour talking to Dean. Sometimes, one of their friends would come over and talk to Dean, but it was mostly Sam, Jess, and Cas. Cas would then return to his apartment, and watch TV until he fell asleep on the couch. Every day.

Dean would get up at 5 every morning, spend 30 ish minutes doing his workout, then head to breakfast. As soon as he finished his breakfast, he would call Sam, Jes, and Cas. After this, he would go to work on the machine. He would do this until the sun set at 7, where he would shower then call Cas. Every day. 

Until something changed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for the wait, life got in the way and I couldn't really write. This one is a little sadder and plot-focused. Cas-eccentric, so we don't really know how others are feeling.

The knock came early in the morning. Cas stumbled to the door, eyes still cloudy from sleep. 

Upon opening the door, Cas snapped awake and fell against the door frame, his breath catching in his throat.

Two men in military wear and solemn looks on their faces greeted him.

“No, no, no. Please no. He has to be okay. Please.”

One of the men took off his hat and held it to his chest. “Mr. Winchester, it is with the greatest sympathy and regard that I have to say this, but your husband, Lieutenant Winchester has been severely injured in an accident and is being transported to a military hospital here in the states. At this point in time, it is unsure if he will make it.”

Cas nodded, not trusting his voice, and closed the door behind the men before stumbling to the couch and fumbling for his phone.

By the time his shaking fingers had dialed Sam’s number, Cas was sobbing.

Sam’s groggy voice answered, “Hello?”

“Sam” Cas sobbed.

Upon hearing the distress in Cas’s voice, Sam snapped awake. “Cas, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Dean. He was - he was injured and they don’t - they don’t know if he’ll make it.”

“Oh Cas,” Sam’s voice wavered in fear, but he cleared it as to not show his fear. “We’ll be right there.”

Cas was curled in a ball on the couch, clutching Dean’s pillow like it was a lifeline with tears streaming down his face, when Sam and Jess came in.   
Sam and Jess sat down on either side of Cas, Jess rubbing Cas’s back gently. They sat there like that for a little while in silence before Cas spoke. 

“He has to be okay. I can't lose him. He’s my world.”

“He’ll be okay. He’s strong.” Cas didn't know who Jess was talking to, but her words did little to soothe him.

“Course he will. He’s Dean,” Sam mumbled to himself before speaking louder, “We’ll pack a bag and we can go see him.” 

“Can you guys stay while I pack my bag than I’ll go over to your place? I don’t want to be alone.”

Jess smiled warmly at him, “Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Sam, Jess, and Cas entered the hospital, Cas stormed to the receptionist's desk and demanded to see Dean. 

The receptionist typed some stuff into her computer before speaking, “I’m sorry, but he just arrived a few minutes ago and is going into surgery. It will be a few hours at most before you can see him. Please sit down and a doctor will be out to talk to you shortly.”

Fifteen minutes later, Kripke came into the waiting room, one arm in a sling and face littered with cuts and bruises.

Cas stormed over. “What the hell happened Kripke? He was supposed to be safe. He shouldn't have even been there.”

“It was all going fine, Lt. Winchester was almost done. Until yesterday.” Kripke paused.

“Well, what happened yesterday? And don’t give me the ‘it’s classified’ crap. I have a right to know what happened . And it’s Dean, not Lt. Winchester”

Kripke sighed. “Yesterday morning, Lieuten- Dean was working on the machine. Some rebels threw a smoke bomb into our camp. The soldiers helping Dean went to investigate, telling him to stay put. While we were distracted, someone threw a bomb at the machine causing it to explode. As Dean was the closest to the machine, he took almost all of the damage. By the time we got there, the damage had been done.”

Cas didn’t even know Sam was behind him until he spoke. “And what exactly is the damage?”

Before Kripke could answer, a doctor came up to them and gestured for them to sit.

“That is a good question, Mr. Winchester. I am Dr. Richings, one of the doctors in charge of Lt. Winchester’s care. It would appear that Lt. Winchester was facing the explosion with his left side. This is good, if he had been facing it head on, he would not have made it. However, the damage is still quite bad.”

“Just how bad?”

“Well first, a piece of shrapnel sliced his left arm clean off just below the shoulder. The loss of his arm then allowed for shrapnel to pierce his side. One piece of shrapnel lodged itself in his chest and another in his abdomen. It is highly likely more went inside and caused more damage. There is little we know at this moment, but we’ll know more in surgery. My team and I will do all we can to, but there is a high chance he will not make it. I’m sorry, but I must return to the surgery.” 

Cas’s head was swimming and he felt like couldn’t breathe. He knew it could have been worse, but it was bad. He had no idea how he could get through the next few hours until he could see Dean.

Sam and Jess were sleeping when the doctor came back 7 hours later. Cas nudged them awake and they all went to talk to the doctor. 

Cas didn’t trust his voice, so he gestured for Sam to speak. 

“How is he doc?”

“Not so good. The large piece of shrapnel lodged in his chest caused extensive damage to his lung and part of his diaphragm. We repaired the damage, but he will have breathing problems for the foreseeable future and possibly longer. The other piece of shrapnel pierced his side and went straight to his large intestine. To avoid further complications, we removed the damaged area. This could have damage on his digestive system. As we feared, more shrapnel found its way into his body, causing damage to the liver and the kidney. We removed part of the liver, but with time it will grow back. The kidney however, we had no choice but to remove. In addition, he has many smaller cuts scattered across his body. All of this combined has led to major blood loss. 

“He has also suffered brain damage that will require surgery to fix. However, due to the blood loss, we will have to wait at least 12 hours before we can operate again.”

Cas nodded, only caring about one thing at the moment. “Can we see him?”

“I’m sorry, but you cannot. He has been brought to the ICU and cannot have visitors until after his second surgery due to the extent of his wounds. We will notify you when he goes into surgery again and after he is done, you may see him.”

Cas felt like part of his heart had shattered. “Oh. Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around noon the next day, Sam, Jess, and Cas had gotten settled in a hotel suite while they waited for news. Jess was sleeping in the bedroom while Sam and Cas talked quietly in the living room.

“Cas, I know you’re worried about Dean, but what are you going to do about work? It looks like we’ll be here for a while. I can do local cases and work on cases from home from here if I need to, but what about you?”

Cas was an elementary teacher back in Sioux Falls. He hadn’t thought about work, but he couldn’t leave Dean and it was unlikely that Dean would be transferred to a different hospital for a month at least. However, Jess and Sam were lawyers and Sam could probably find work for them to do here if needed.

“I hadn’t thought about that. I’ll just take the year off. I have to stay with Dean. I’ll call my boss and explain the situation. Hopefully, she’ll understand.”

“Of course she will, Rowena loves you guys.”

In addition to being a close friend, Rowena was the superintendent of the school Cas worked at. 

Cas picked up the phone and dialed her number. 

“Cas! I was about to call you. The school year starts in a couple days and I noticed you haven't put anything up for your room or gotten ready at all.”

“That’s what I was calling to say. I have to take the year off. Dean was injured and won’t be able to be transferred for a while. We’re at the nearest army hospital, but it’s hours away. I can’t leave Dean.”

“Of course you can take a year off. I wouldn’t expect anything else in your situation. Just tell him I said get well soon.”

“Of. course. Thank you.”

Cas was going to say more, but was interrupted by another call.

“Sorry, Rowena, I have to go. I’m getting another call.”

Cas hung up the call and answered the new call. 

“Hello? Castiel Winchester speaking.”

An unfamiliar voice answered. “Mr. Winchester, this is the hospital. Your husband is being taken up to surgery right now.”

Cas’s stomach dropped and he mouthed ‘hospital’ in response to Sam’s confused look before answering. “Okay. We’ll be right there.”

Four hours later, Sam, Jess, and Cas were in the waiting room for the second time in two days when a nurse came up to them.

“Lt. Winchester is out of surgery and can have visitors. If you follow me, I’ll show you him. I must warn you however, he isn't looking so hot.”

“I don’t care how he looks, I just want to see my husband.”

“Of course. If you’ll just follow me please.”

The nurse led them down a hallway to a door. “He’s in there. Please be gentle.”

The nurse wasn’t lying, Dean didn’t look pretty. A blanket covering his legs stopped at his hips. He was shirtless, but bandages were wrapped around the majority of his torso. There was the edges of what Cas could assume to be a massive bruise on the shoulder of his left arm. Or what remained of his left arm, the arm stopped at a stump wrapped in bandages at a little above halfway between the elbow and shoulder would be. Dean’s right arm had small cuts and bruises with some bandages littering it. His face was also littered with cuts and bruises. His head was wrapped in a bandage. In addition to all of this, he was surrounded with tubes and wires connected to machines keeping him alive. 

Cas rushed over and took Dean’s hand in his own, careful of the IV. “Oh love, I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen to you.” 

A person cleared their throat, causing Cas to turn around. 

“ Lt. Winchester is doing good so far. His blood pressure is a little high, but that can be expected after the surgeries, which all went very well. There will however, be some side effects of the damage and the surgeries, but those can be explained when he wakes up.” Dr. Richings explained.

Jess shifted in her seat to get more comfortable before speaking. “When will that be? ”

“He should wake up within the next day. However, due to the extent of his wounds, there is a chance he will never wake up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, Dean was still sleeping. According to the doctor, he was in a coma and there was no telling when he’d wake up, if at all. 

Cas was sitting by his side while Jess slept on a cot they had the doctors bring in for her and Sam worked on a case. If it weren’t for the grim setting, it all would of been really peaceful. 

Suddenly, a voice interrupted the calm. “Cas. Can I talk to you outside?”

Kripke had been in a few times to check on Dean, but this seemed urgent so Cas agreed. 

Cas sighed before following Kripke into the hall.

“What’s up?”

“First, the team back overseas found this.” Kripke dropped something into Cas’s hand. Dean’s wedding ring and dog tags. “They’re his, but given the circumstances, I think you should hold onto them.”

Cas didn’t know why they had been found in Afghanistan and not with Dean, but he didn’t really care why. He was just glad he had them.

Cas slipped the ring onto the chain and put it around his neck before Kripke continued.

“Second, I don’t mean to sound mean or selfish, but I was wondering if Dean could possibly rebuild the machine when he gets better. It was a great thing and really helped the soldiers. I’ve spoken to his doctors and they said it was a possibility, but I should ask you.”

Cas’s mood shifted from happy to angry in seconds. “No. No you do not have my permission! It was your insistence he fixed the machine in the first place. Your fault he’s injured. He didn’t want to go. He told you as such! He told you he has a family, a life here. He was almost done with the military for good. But you didn’t care. You just wanted your stupid machine fixed! It is YOUR fault he’s injured!. He won’t be able to do half the stuff he loves to, won’t ever even be normal again. He might never hold his niece! All because of the stupid machine!

“And now you have the nerve to ask if he can go back. No. He won’t. He is DONE! As soon as I am able, I’m going to take him home. And we will NEVER see or hear from you again. And if you really need the stupid machine rebuilt, you’ll have the sense to ask someone else.” Cas screamed.

When he finished, Cas slammed the door to Dean’s room shut. 

He sat in a chair by Dean’s bed and put his head down next to his husband’s arm and started crying softly. Jess came over and started rubbing his back gently to try to calm him down.

It was several moments until Cas spoke. “He asked me if Dean could go back and rebuild the machine when he was healed. He had the nerve to ask me that. He had the nerve to ask me that when it isn’t sure if he’ll be okay. Had asked it like that stupid machine hadn’t done enough damage. Dean could die and he just asked me if Dean would go back.”

Cas stopped as he realized what he had just said. “Dean could die.” he sobbed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time passed and it was now Cas and Dean’s anniversary and Cas was feeling worse than ever.

Cas was sobbing into Dean’s bed. “You promised you’d be back by now. Don’t break your promise. Wake up and come back to me. Please. Please.”

“He’ll wake up.” Sam muttered, not only trying to reassure Cas but himself. 

Cas turned to face Sam. “No he won’t. He promised he’d be back by our anniversary. He’s never broken a promise before, but he isn't awake. He isn't here. If he were going to wake up, he’d have done it by now.”

Before Sam could respond, Jess spoke, face twisted in pain. “Guys, I really hate to interrupt, but I think my water just broke.”

**Author's Note:**

> i just used Eric Kripke's name for the commanding officer's name, the character has nothing to do with the real person.


End file.
